my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
