Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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