The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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