between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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