I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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