I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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