I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
