No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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