my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
