I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
