sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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