last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I touched a dick in church today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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