We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
