Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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