Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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