I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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