dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize