Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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