I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize