This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
