he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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