dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
