that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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