I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
