Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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