So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
