i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
