I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
