I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
