he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
