I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
