Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
