The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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