he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
