Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
