dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
