I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
