So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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