are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
