I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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