hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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