worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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