Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
