Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
