White coat. Heels.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
