There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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