i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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