you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
