i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex on a dog bed..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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