Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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