She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
