yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
