he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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