i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
