Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
