His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
