I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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