eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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