You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
