a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
