I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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