I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
