med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize