I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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