This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
