i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
