that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
