Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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