but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
