i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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