just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize