so that wasnt chicken after all
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
