you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
