Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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