life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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