After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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