if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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