No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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