Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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