you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize