and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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