No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
