WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
