shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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