Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
