Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
