The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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