if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
