CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
