i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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