dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
