I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
