You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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