We're like a lot better than the average bears
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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