After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
