i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
