Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
